A welcome back note

Six years already. Six years from the latest blog I wrote. Six years after my Dad left us.
Is it a coincidence that I just opened this blog on the same date? I do not know. What I know is that I have been missing writing for long time ago. I stopped because I have given birth to my kid... took my whole time and attention to him; and had another one ; and again took my 200% time and attention for them.

So, here I am. Questioning whether I have lost my ability to write. Questioning whether I still have passion to write. Questioning whether whatever I write make any difference. Questioning whether this is a want or a need. Let see...

I welcome back myself, today.

A man with few words

Barely in his life he talked ... but he kept everything in his mind

Never in his life that he scolded us ... but he prayed that we all find the right way in our lives

Yes.. he was a man with few words...

He spared no time for chit chat.. no, but he worked hard to put us in the best education he could afford

He never gave us complement, no.. but inside his heart, we knew that he was proud of us... as he kept working hard

Yes.. he was a man with few words...

Never he told us that he loved us, but He didn't have to ...

What he has done in his life have showed us that he loved us more that everything.

Yes.. he was a man with few words...

He has never complained about his illness...

No one can ever know how much the pain he ever felt...

Up until he left us ... he was still the same person ...

He told no one...

He even waited until the moment that his soulmate was not beside him.

He loved us that much ... that he quietly left ....

He did not want anyone of us watch him go....

He did not want to see any tears following his journey...

Oooh, daddy... how much we hope that you were not a man with few words......

However, none of it matters now...cause we believe that God do not count how many words came out of your mouth.......What you did in your life really matters.... And nothing bad we can remember of what you've done.

We know you love us....and we hope you also know that we love you....

We thank God for include us in the life of a man like you....

A man with few words..............

Letting go

Dan hari itu pun datang..
hari di mana kami sekeluarga harus merelakan seseorang yang kami kasihi dari hidup kami....
hari di mana kami sekeluarga menyadari bahwa apapun yang kami lakukan...tak dapat melawan kehendak Tuhan...
hari di mana kami mengingat kehidupan seseorang yang kami kasihi...
hari di mana derai air mata tak tertahankan...
namun, di atas itu semua... hari yang membebaskan ... hari yang memang telah dinantikan oleh beliau.....
hari di mana ia menikmati surga bersama dengan Tuhan....

Papa...we know that you are far better now with God and His angels...
We know that you are not in pain anymore...
It is us that in despair, because we have to let go such a great person from our life...
Like people says .... Die is about those who were left behind.
Farewell, papa....We love you..

About giving up

Hampir mau putus asa......
Bukan dengan kerjaan yang dead line nya menghantam bertubi tubi......
Bukan dengan keadaan papa yang tidak sehat-sehat......
tapi dengan sebuah proyek akhir kuliah yang bernama Business Plan.
Hate it so muuuuuchh... with all my heart!!!

Aku tau bahwa fase ini akan lewat sebelum aku mencapai titik putus asa yang sebenarnya....
Tapi tetap saja aku merasa ingin memutar balik waktu ke 2 tahun yang lalu... saat aku memutuskan untuk kuliah di kampus ituh...... huhuhu.......Tak dinyana, tugas akhirnya susah sekali..........Huhuhu.......

Jadi ingin meninggalkan bangku kuliah tanpa menyelesaikan tugas akhir..... tapi tetep ingin dapet gelar mm (biarpun dengan huruf kecil, bukan huruf besar)....
Damn........i just hate this moment. Hate it.....so....... much.......
Business Pain!!! in the a**!!!!!!

Update

Wow.... 10 bulan berlalu tanpa ada tulisan baru di blog ini. Padahal, banyak kabar baru dalam kehidupan saya...... yang mengejutkan, yang menyenangkan, maupun yang menyedihkan.

Mengejutkan di saat saya mengetahui bahwa I am expecting... and it's already 30 weeks now..... Why surprise? Karena saya tidak merencanakan, bahkan cenderung menghindari. Maklumlah... masih jadi anak kuliah yang sibuk dengan tugas tugas kuliah. Tapi kalau memang diberi kepercayaan oleh Tuhan, ya saya pastinya bersyukur.....

Berita yang menyedihkan... well.. ginjal papa sudah semakin menurun fungsinya sejak beberapa bulan yang lalu...... Air di paru paru sudah mulai menenggelamkan fungsi pernapasan...nafsu makan hilang sama sekali dan tidur adalah 90% kegiatan sehari-hari nya. Akhirnya, papa harus menjalani hemodialisis (cuci darah) secara rutin 2x seminggu. Kabar baiknya...sesak nafasnya sekarang menghilang, nafsu makan sedikit bertambah. Kabar kurang baiknya.. entah mengapa setiap tengah malam papa selalu bangun dan tidak bisa menahan diri untuk bolak balik ke toilet, mengeluh gatal, mengeluh ini mengeluh itu sehingga membuat orang orang di sekeliling nya termasuk saya ikut ikutan bangun. Entah apa yang terjadi ... dan sampai sekarang masalah ini masih belum bisa teratasi. Mudah-mudahan mama bisa tetap kuat dan sehat mendampingi papa.

Berita lain : perkembangan tugas akhir kuliah masih tersendat sendat. rasanya akan terjadi delay dalam periode kelulusan saya.. hiks......

Faith!!!

Last week end I just found out that son of my friend is actually having heart problem. He is only 8 months old, my Good Lord. The baby has no ‘arteria pulmonalis’ (if I am not mistaken), which is the blood transportation channel from heart to the lung. The absence of this channel interrupts overall blood circulation in his body, put back his physical and mental growth. Currently, his parents keep seeing doctors to find out the solution… can the heart be fixed? If not, can the baby survive and what are the consequences. I also heard that there might be 3 major operations need to be done if the heart is fixable.

What a curse for a young nice decent couple to learn such horrible thing happens to their first son! Even I, who only met their son once … dropped my tears when I was told about it. I couldn’t imagine how much tears they shed when they learned about the fact. I only know that the most hurtful tears in the world usually come from a mother about her child.

And you know what? My friend…the father of the special child told me that “God really trusts my family by giving him to us.” He… my friend…a tremendous father … is still calm… He comes to the office and still smiles. He works normally. And he still writes his YM status : “Everyday is a gift. Thanks!” My Good Lord!!! And here I am with a week of desperation when I couldn’t answer questions in my exam. And here I am with million of angers when subordinates of mine couldn’t do their jobs as I wish. And here I am with self-pities when I gained some weights – problems that are not even close to the problem he faced. Suddenly I feel ashamed of myself – a person who brings out small unimportant problems just to show that God’s plans on me is imperfect.

Oh, my dear friend… he is right : God considers him and his family to be strong to face the condition. And thanks God that he believes in it. He maybe cry … but he is not complaining.. He is not fighting God ... not even has a thought of blaming Him. He approaches closer to God, begs for His direction and love. What a revelation to me … that I have so much blessings in my life I should give thanks… What a precious lesson for me … that I should rather count on the blessings rather than flaws……

My dearest friend… You are really God’s dearest son. I will keep your son name in my prayers … Wishing that he will become another man who declares the Glory of God in this world. Wishing that he will live long enough to teach the world the meaning of ‘faith’ and ‘live in faith’. Wishing that he will live strong enough to also make his parents happy.

May God give you and your family strength to survive all this and become the winner above it all.

Sudah pantaskah kita untuk geram?

Saat saya mendengar tentang kasus Lapindo yang tak kunjung ada solusinya... membayangkan betapa tersiksanya ibu-ibu, bapak-bapak dan terutama anak-anak yang tinggal di pengungsian...geram rasanya hatiku terhadap pengusaha tidak bertanggung jawab yang merampas hak "hidup layak" masyarakat di sekitar Lapindo itu. Kalau Anda?

Saat saya mendengar tentang kasus penganiayaan tenaga kerja kita di negara tetangga... membayangkan betapa tak berdayanya manusia-manusia yang berjuang mencari nafkah di tempat yang jauh tersebut ... geram rasanya hatiku terhadap para majikan yang merampas hak "hidup tanpa disakiti" wanita-wanita yang sejak subuh melayani rumah tangga mereka. Kalau Anda?

Saya boleh geram... Anda boleh geram... karena kasus-kasus tersebut memang merupakan contoh perampasan hak yang paling mendasar. The thing is... apa yang bisa kita lakukan? Apakah merasa geram saja sudah cukup?

Mungkin ini memang hanya alur berpikir saya...'saya melihat kejadian... kemudian saya berkaca'. Saya memang tidak bisa melakukan apa apa untuk membantu semua korban lumpur lapindo supaya bisa mendapatkan kehidupan yang layak dan nyaman. Saya juga tidak bisa menampari para majikan kurang ajar di negara tetangga karena memperlakukan pembantunya secara tidak manusiawi. Maka saya hanya bisa berbuat 'memastikan diri untuk tidak melakukan perampasan hak orang lain'.

Mari kita sama sama berkaca:

Apakah saya pernah menyerobot tempat parkir orang lain?

Apakah saya pernah 'lupa' membayar ongkos bis saat lagi ramai-ramainya?

Apakah saya pernah menyerobot antrian taxi saat hendak pulang dari mal?

Apakah saya pernah terlambat membayar gaji 'mbak' di rumah?

Apakah saya tidak mematikan atau men-silent telepon selular kita saat sedang dalam sebuah pertemuan penting supaya suaranya tidak mengganggu konsentrasi orang lain?

Apakah kita sering mencuri waktu kerja untuk hal-hal pribadi?

Apakah listrik di rumah adalah hasil colongan?

Apakah kita mengambil hasil karya orang lain dan mengaku sebagai karya pribadi?

Jika jawabannya adalah 'iya'...mari kita lupakan dulu kegeraman terhadap orang lain yang kita rasa merampas hak sesamanya... karena kita adalah salah satu dari mereka.